I did not sleep last night

Yeah, I didn't sleep last night. Not because I studied hard till my eyes become panda eyes, like they do now. Not because I hadn't finished the materials. Not because I was so kiasu. No, no, no, no. All I did was just closed my eyes. They are closed. Dark enough as if I was blind. But I was still awake until the sun rose, shining the world with its bright smiles, even though I can't welcome with a bright eyes. They are like pandas now.

It wouldn't be so much trouble if I didn't have any exams today, but it would be so much more trouble if I had my paper at 9am instead of 1pm. For this, I should be grateful. I still managed to sleep from 9am to 11am. A short deep sleep that can bring my brain back to its place like before, that I could do the paper as if I had slept for 8 hours the night before. For this again, I should be grateful.

Actually I opened this fb application this morning and got this thing...

On this day, God wants you to know...

... that today you have a cause for celebration. Today, you should celebrate what an unbelievable life you have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make you stronger. Just as a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor can a life be perfected without trials. Take a time to acknowledge your life and to praise yourself.

Oh, the timing was just so right. Yeah, now I should celebrate my victory for winning against the panda eyes. The insomnia makes me remember for one once said, that for every obstacles we encounter in our life are not meant to be there at the first time if we are not able overcome it. He wants to show us that we have the strength to go through it all.

kalong post

well, i know i should have gone to my sweet deep sleep now. but, i can't resist the temptation to blog. i dun have a specific stories to tell u. today..oh i mean yesterday, was a very usual saturday in an exam period. woke up at 1130 am. had lunch. studied. tired. took a nap. studied. tired. took a nap. went to church. had dinner at jp. shopped at fair price.. oh ya, i bought some 'souvenirs' to bring back home :)

two papers left. soil mechanics and mechanics of materials. those two are the subjects i love the most. well, ideally, i should spend all day long to study those subjects. why? simply because i love it! but still yeah, i can't resist temptations. the fact is... i am not as stressed as last semester. which means, i slack, slack, and slack more. i do not know if it is a good thing or not. i do not know if any of these would result in some significance in my gpa.. but the papers i had done last week, i feel it was all my best. the best that i could try. so, i think the point is not how much time is spent (wasted) to slack, but how i can enjoy more this exam period.. "exam ya exam... kerjain ajaaaaaaaaa" like one of my friend said.

udah ah tidur dulu. ntar kayak tadi. bangun jam 1130. wew

Ignorant

I'm really, really sad today. I was chatting to a friend, one of my best friend. I didn't know she was sick.. We chit-chatted normally, like nothing was around, like everything was okay. Then, when my other best friend told me that she was sick a few days before... I felt like, "Well, where was I these past days?"

I feel so ignorant. Yes, now I know how it feels. Once I heard this kind of feeling from someone, I didn't really get the point.. Now, I know.. How 'bad' I am as a friend.

I know, you can say it's not totally my fault, and I can't do anything to it, but still...

I understand why. If I were in her shoes, I might have done the same thing as well..

"This is my problem..Let me handle it my self. My friends already have theirs. I don't want to add any burden to them with mine.."

Yea, I know this.. like what I have posted a few days before..

So, the thing is...

"To share the pain with your friends, even it means you let them to get hurt also"

or

"To keep the pain and hurt for your self"

I want to believe everything happens for a good reason.

Well, yes I DO.

BUT

I can't see it (yet)

When should I stop waiting?

I'm tired...

For the sky above I can't touch

For the ocean there I can't feel

For the air out there I can't breathe

Maybe I just...

don't belong there...

but, can't I?

maybe, one year from now I'll know..then let's laugh at this post!

Miracles

On this day, God wants you to know...

... that there is a miracle waiting for you this minute, - please make room for it in your thinking. God has no need to prove anything to you, so if you don't believe in miracles, you are not likely to receive one. How do you believe in miracles? You believe by keeping your eyes open, - miracles often come in ways unexpected, and might leave unrecognized unless you pay attention.

Well, I got this from facebook application about two days ago.

What kind of miracle is it?

Or has it happened but it is just me that I don't realize it?

Well,

if thinking about how's my life's been going so far, there's a lot of them. Yes, a lot of miracles came along the way.

And it must be for a good reason, I believe.

1 week

well yeah. 2 papers done. 4 left.

then im going home.

in 1 week.

*forgive this very unimportant post

i cried.

Biasanya anak-anak yg jauh dari orang tuanya merasa kangeen sekali dgn mamanya.

Lalu bagimana dgn papa?

Mungkin mama lebih sering menanyakan keadaan anaknya setiap hari .tp taukah kamu jika papamu yg mengingatkannya utk menelfonmu?

Mgkn mama yg lebih sering mengajakmu bercerita,tp taukah kamu sepulangnya ia bekerja dgn wajah lelah ia selalu menanyakan kabarmu dari mama mu?

waktu kecil..

Papa mengajari putri kecilnya bermain sepeda. Setelah dia mengganggap kamu bisa ia melepaskan roda bantu di sepedamu, Saat itu mama menutup mata karena takut anaknya terjatuh lalu terluka.tp ayah dgn yakin menatapmu mengayuh sepeda dgn pelan karena dia tahu putri kecilnya pasti bisa.

Saat kamu menangis meronta meminta boneka yg baru,mama menatapmu iba,tetapi ayah mengatakan dgn tegas "kita beli nanti,tapi tidak sekarang" karena ia tidak ingin kamu menjadi manja dgn semua tuntutan yg selalu di penuhi.

ketika kamu remaja

kamu mulai menuntut utk keluar malam. Lalu papa mulai bersikap lebih tegas ketika mengatakan "tidak".
itu utk menjagamu karena kamu adalah sesuatu yg berharga.
Lalu kamu masuk ke kamar membanting pintu.
Tp yg dtg mengetok pintu dan membujuk mu adalah mama.
Taukah kamu saat itu dia memejamkan matanya dan menahan diri,karena Dia sangat ingin mengikuti keinginanmu. Tp lagi2 dia harus menjagamu.

saat seorang cowok mulai sering datang mencarimu, Papa akan memasang wajah paling cool sedunia. Dan sesekali menguping atau mengintip saat kmu sdg brdua di ruang tamu. Tahukah kmu dia merasa cemburu?

dan saat dia melonggarkan sedikit peraturan, kamu melanggar jam malamnya. Ia duduk di ruang tamu menunggu mu pulang dgn sangat2 khawatir. Wajah khawatir itu mengeras ketika melihat putri kecilnya pulang terlalu larut. Dia marah. Karena hal yg di takutinya akhirnya datang "putri kecilnya sudah tidak ada lg"

saat papa sedikit memaksamu utk menjd seorang dokter. Ketahuilah bahwa ia hanya memikirkan masa depanmu nanti. Tp toh dia tetap tersenyum saat pilihanmu adalah menjd seorang penulis.

sampai saat papa harus melepasmu di bandara. Bahkan badannya terlalu kaku utk memelukmu. Ia hanya tersenyum sambil memberi nasehat ini-itu. Dia ingin menangis seperti mama yg menangis dan memelukmu erat. Tp dia hanya menghapus sedikit air mata di sudut matanya dan menepuk pundakmu berkata "jaga diri baik2". Agar kamu kuat utk pergi.

saat kamu butuh uang untuk membiayai uang semester dan kehidupanmu, orang pertama yg mengerutkan kening adalah Papa. Berusaha mencari jalan agar anaknya bisa merasa sama dgn yg lain.

ketika permintaanmu bukan lg sekedar meminta boneka baru, dan ia tau ia tidak bisa memberikan. Dia sangat ingin mengatakan "iya nak,nanti kita beli" dan saat kata2 yg keluar adalah "tidak bisa" dari bibirnya. Tahukah kamu Ia merasa gagal membuat anaknya tersenyum.

saat kamu sakit dan tidak berada di dekatnya. Papa terlalu khawatir sampai kadang sedikit membentak berkata "sudah di blg jgn minum air dingin!".berbeda dgn mama yg memperhatikanmu dgn lembut.
ketahuilah saat itu ia benar2 khawatir dgn keadaanmu.

dan di saatnya nanti kamu wisuda sebagai seorang sarjana. Papa adalah org pertama yg berdiri dan memberi tepuk tangan utk mu. Dia yg tersenyum bangga dan puas melihat "putri kecilnya yg tidak manja berhasil tumbuh dewasa, dan telah menjadi seseorang"

sampai saat seorang teman hidupmu datang dan meminta izin mengambilmu darinya. Papa akan sangat berhati2 memberikan izin.karena ia tau laki2 itu yg nanti akan menggantikannya.

dan saat Papa melihat mu duduk di panggung pernikahan bersama seseorang yg di anggapnya pantas menggantikannya. Papa pergi kebelakang panggung,dan menangis "tugasku telah selesai dgn baik.putri kecilku yg lucu telah menjadi wanita yg cantik"

Papa hanya bisa menunggu kedatangan mu dan cucu2nya sesekali utk menjenguknya. Dgn rambut yg telah memutih dan badan yg tak lagi kuat utk menjagamu dari bahaya.

papa adalah sosok yg harus selalu terlihat kuat bahkan ketika dia tidak kuat utk tdk menangis. Harus terlihat tegas bahkan saat dia ingin memanjakanmu. papa jg orang pertama yg selalu yakin bahwa "kamu bisa" dalam hal apapun.

tersenyum dan bersyukurlah ketika kamu bisa merasakan kasih syg seorang papa hingga tugasnya selesai.kmu adalah salah satu org yg beruntung. Karna papa adalah sosok superhero yg hebat

Blog, Teman Cerita yang Setia

Akhir-akhir ini, ketika ingin menceritakan suatu hal, meluapkan ekspresi entah itu kegembiraan atau kesedihan, aku lebih berhati-hati.. bukan, bukan karena aku tidak percaya dengan orang itu. Namun, aku merasa bahwa ini adalah masalahku sendiri, dan mereka tidak perlu diganggu dengan masalahku. Bukan berarti aku tidak mau berbagi cerita ke siapa-siapa lagi, tetapi aku rasa.. Aku harus tahu situasi dan kondisi temanku juga.. Ada hal-hal yang memang bisa dibagi dengan mereka, namun ada hal-hal yang tidak begitu penting yang tidak perlu dikeluarkan, ada hal-hal yang memang harus disimpan sendiri, ada hal-hal yang memang perlu dibagi. Namun, terkadang mereka juga tidak selalu ad di tempat (baca : online). Untung, ada kamu, blogku, Memoriesta, yang menyimpan lebih dari sekedar kenangan dalam hidup ini (more than just Memories...), kamu mungkin kepada siapa aku bisa menuangkan pikiranku dengan leluasa.

Dan kepada Kamu,

ya,

Kamu,

(kalau Kamu ada)

yang sudah membaca blog ini,

terima kasih sudah meluangkan waktu membaca dan melihat sekilas kehidupan saya ini.

My Third Exams in NTU

Still have 4 full days to prepare my first paper.

I want to remain calm and yet, prepared.

*praying*

Well, I complained to some of my friends today why the status on facebook or msn today is full of examination matters.. I know it's the way for some of them to express their 'excitement' towards the first day of exam which is tomorrow. I might not be as 'excited' as they are, as I'm not having my first paper on the first day of examination. I'll be having my first paper on Monday. And yeah, the thing that I complained is that I feel like.... It's not like something to be exaggerated... Well, I know exams are important, me too I want a good grade, but please take it easy. Forgive me if I'm sounded too judgemental this time. I'm just sick seeing those status hanging around my monitor talking about exams, exams, and exams. Maybe the problem is not with them, it is ME.

I really hope my GPA will do some an improvement this time.

Yeah, let's face exams with confidence and calmness.

Chance

I hope my chance is still there, if it is just the way...

I need some guidance

I want to just let it happens naturally, but

the fact is that I have to decide by my self

Yes, I need a guidance.

Yes, it's there

but it's my choice which way I'll take

Hope I'll always make a good decision,

take the chance

and let it be... the way it is..

Desires

One must desire something to be alive.
Margaret Deland

He who desires is always poor.
Claudianus

So, the one who is alive is poor? Or the one who is poor is alive?

Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing?
William Shakespeare

because one doesn't posses enough a good thing?

I, my self, may have become poor. Oh yes, I am, but now even poorer. Recently I crave for so many things than you can I ever imagined. In this exam period, I have desires, yes, thousands of them.

I want to go window shopping.

I want to buy new books.

I want to read them in a peaceful spot. (well, like if there is one here..)

I want to go out and watch movies.

I want to go home.

Well,

The thing is...

I just want to escape from this 'golden' cage called 'exam period'.

I'm not hyperbolizing, but everyone here is now struggling in a battle, a battle between life and death, really. I tell you what, in these past three days I haven't gone farther from my hall's canteen which is only 3 mins away from my room!

Like I said before. I'm poor now.

I'm poor of freedom.

In the hunger and thirst of freedom.

I want more.

I desire more.

Why then, can one not satisfies for what he has?

I'll be Home for Christmas

Yossh!! 3 more weeks to go!

I'll be finishing exams on by 2 dec, n be home on 3rd =P

Can't wait longer