Saturday, April 30, 2011

April, Thanks for being.... quite nice.

It's always amazing to think that how fast time can fly if you look back.

Today is already the end of April!

Well, compare to March, I shall say you have done far better :) even though I still had to fall some times here and there..

At least, there are some memories that are worth to be remembered with a smile..

Drained.

See what I found from colorgenicstest.com

You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside') and then you'll be raring to go.

Of late, everything seems to be going so slowly - far slower than you anticipated - and this is causing you much anxiety and frustration. It would appear that there is little you can do about the series of events that now seem to be taking place. In spite of the fact that you feel like 'giving up' - don't. Take a deep breath and start over again and you will find that eventually the expression 'All's well that ends well' will have an extra special meaning for you.

Loneliness is soul destroying and at this time you feel lost and lonely, perhaps it is because you feel so frustrated that you are prepared to go out of your way to become emotionally involved with someone who could accept you for what you are. You are egocentric, antagonistic and quick to take offence, although it must be said, you can control your pent-up up emotion and thus avoid open conflict.

It would seem that an existing situation or relationship is unsatisfactory and you feel that there is little that you can do about it without 'some help from your friends', but you have no desire to show the world how vulnerable you really are and therefore you consider it inadvisable to display affection or be over demonstrative. You regard this particular relationship as a depressing tie and although you would like to be independent and unhampered, you don't want to run the risk of losing anything. All this leads you to react 'touchily' and with impatience, while the urge to 'get away from it all' results in considerable restlessness and stress. Your ability to concentrate may suffer.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.

Sadly, I have to admit most of the part is true. All my energy was drained, and just a little part of it left. A little pieces of me that is just enough to do the daily cycles. Wake up, go to work, go home, sleep. I couldn't stand any interference between those routines. You know what... up until this very moment, I still abandon my post event report. Yes, I'm a procrastinator, but at this moment, I have made some steps further, a quick 'improvement' that I had never done before. I run from my responsibilities. I know I have time and I know I can do it if I have enough motivation but apparently I'm not. I'm running away.

There are times when I feel like to be un-contactable, to run from people. Call me anti-social or anything as you like, I don't care.

Friday, April 29, 2011

I'm a Slacker, Indeed...

I guess this will be the first time I blog from office..

I have a thing to do, but a very little motivation to do it. I tend to slack around and open my facebook page, browse here and there, google here and there.. Maybe I should close my google chrome window to overcome with the distractions. Well, I have tried it once but it ended up with me playing Minesweeper and Solitaire. I even managed to finish the expert mode! A new accomplishment! lol.

I can't blame on anyone or anything with me being soooooo idle, lazy, and procrastinate. It's on my self. Me, is the problem. Either I just found out that I actually have an extremely laid-back personality or... I just found out that this job is not suitable for me. Well, I can't say it sure enough. I realize that I have not been so interested and excited to the works I've been doing. Maybe I'm not ready to accept the fact that this is..the real working field's gonna feel like. Maybe I'm too comfortable with me being an university student. Maybe I just simply don't have any ambitions. Or.. maybe it's simply because... this job is not meant for me.

I. DO. NOT. KNOW. WHAT. AND. WHERE. IS. MY. PROBLEM.

I can't work under pressure like the two engineers working in front of me. They never close the AutoCAD window. Sometimes I wonder how they can survive hours sitting in front of the computer. Maybe because they are always reminded of their family at home. To fulfill their needs they need money. To have money they have to work. To work, they have to be under all this pressure.

Monday, April 25, 2011

He Knows My Name

This song had accompanied me dealing with the tough times I had during March 2011, a month full of joy and pain, tears and laughter, good and bad things..

There was one time when this song was being played.. and I cried hard.. really. hard. I never thought I'd do such kind of reactions.. I just never realized that it was so precious to me. And I couldn't bear the thought of losing it.

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/tommy_walker/he_knows_my_name.html ]
I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call