Friday, October 29, 2010

(temporary) Insomnia

-Okay, so I can't sleep now. Maybe I'm too excited for tomorrow?

-Okay, since I won't be able to get enough sleep of 5 hours. I might want to donate badly but I know my humane limit, so I think I just postpone my blood donation until...next time. If I want to wait for the school, I might need one year since I'll be having IA next sem. So, I think I'll try going to blood bank myself then?

-Recently I've been having a very normal hours of sleep. I've been sleeping around 11-12pm and wake up around 630am...(and sleep again after waking up for 1 hour haha) It's very different when you wake up in the morning and breath the morning air. It's like you've been reborn. I like it. I want to maintain it as possible as I can because I feel healthier both physically and mentally.

-I guess tonight is the time for me to enjoy the silence of night. I dunno why but night seemsalways be the perfect timing to blog. I never feel the urge to write in the morning. I never want to even turn on my computer. It's more like of a reflective time, and a prayer.

-October almost ends. I can say this is the most eventful month of the year, so far. I learnt a lot. A lot of wonderful blessings, tears of joy and sadness, obstacles, disasters, yet full of beauty of lives.

-I think now I can declare NTU as my second home. Haha..so it needs two years to say this. I try to learn to love everything I have here. Okay, it might not be easy. I know I still complain in some things and how I wish some things are different, but if I wish any better it would be a little bit too good to be true. So, just enjoy my time as long as I can.

-Just now I realized that I miss my FE 1001 lesson so much. I'm not sure why. The lecturer is 'charming' in his own way, yes. but that's not really the point. I just miss the mechanics. Maybe I'm just sick with statics because I'm not having a good time with them. Somehow I think mechanics is more challenging, maybe that's why I find it more interesting. I'm not saying I don't like my course or not feeling suitable in it, but I just feel something is missing, which is passion. I thought when I start my life as a university student I don't need to have any problems of finding what I want to do in life. but in fact, it is the starting point of everything. You start questioning things and thinking hard what to do in life. You know you can do more than just pursuing a career. Now, I'm not really sure if Civil Engineer is the one I want to pursue. I'm not sure my passion is there. Or maybe I just haven't realized it. Maybe I haven't found the one which can trigger it. Or maybe I'm meant to do anything else, which is still blurry at the moment. I just don't feel like good to pursue any academic-related thing. I'm not even sure if I want to continue my study to master degree. (a big no for PhD, research is not my thing. sorry) even if I want to, I would try as best as I can to avoid engineering field (what am I thinking?????) okay, I might change my mind in the future, but that's what I feel at the moment. I just need to find where my passion is.

-I ever thought of teaching, but since I haven't been really into the real field or experience the real thing of teaching I can't say further more. I might consider this option but..who knows? I just feel like it's good to be surrounded by children, compare to the real working field where competitions are everywhere, trying to get promotions as soon as possible, etc etc, I don't really think it's my thing. And if surrounded by children, you won't hesitate to act like one, right? :D you can feel young again and recalling the innocent memories :) It sounds like an ideal career for me (at the moment).

-IA or IO? I'm not sure. I can't be that decisive. I'm thinking to switch to IO due to some....things. It's still in consideration, anyway. Let's wait for the news from my 1st choice interviewing company and see how things going. I wonder what's taking them so long?? I'm not really optimistic they'd call me for interview, but at least give me some news!

-I want to sleep but I'm not sleepy.

Coming Home. again.

I know this is crazy. I just came back here last Sunday and tonight I'm flying. Why? Just like my pm said in msn some days ago. Some people do sacrifice in the name of love. Well, I can't say it's a full sacrifice, because I also wanna get away from these things for a while. Last time was not long enough haha.

And another crazy idea is. I have to donate blood before I'm flying. I hope everything goes well and smoothly. I just don't wanna miss this chance. again. Last time I couldn't donate because I was sick. And this time, I'm here with healthy body and soul with enough rest, I must not miss this chance again!!!

Take a Break.

I just want to take a break. I need some sleep RIGHT NOW.
Oh why people sometimes take others only for granted?? *me also i admit it*
Sometimes I wanna help but I just can't stand being taken for granted. Sorry!

How to take a complete break? A deep breath?
I know the answer! Run away, Get yourself disappeared and undiscovered for some time. It works!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Quite Random..

-You know why I never change the layout for this blog for 2 years already? because I can use ANY COLOURS that I want, and they still fit in and look nice! But now, seems it's not working anymore. I dunno why, they just turn out to be yellow!

-Please don't playing games with my heart.

-What do I wanna do?

A Blessed Recess Week...

Yes, there will be a Reinforcement Concrete Design quiz on tuesday...
Yes, there will be a Structure quiz on thursday...
Yes, I only have done 3 out of 7 tutorials of RC Design...
Yes, I haven't started studying Structure, even reviewing...
Yes, I'm still a 10000000000000 steps behind of catching up my studies...

But...

Yes, I'm home...
Yes, I'm with my family, secure and safe with loads of love...
Yes, I'm here with them to go through with these difficulties...
Yes, I'm grateful I'm given a chance to experience the miracles and love...
Yes, I never thought that this recess week would be a wonderful one, full of life changing events for some others, full of life lessons, full of love and care... This is a blessing I should be thankful for..

These past few weeks, I have been taught not to rely on my own strength, to be flexible and decisive with every sudden decisions, not to be too stressful, to go through every obstacles, to believe that you can do it, and to just surrender everything to Him...

I am thankful for the opportunity to come home,
to witness the true love and care of a family,
where everybody supports each other,
no matter what happened in the past,
no matter what conflicts might have occurred,
one thing for sure is that we are one,
one family, where one never let anyone being left behind,
where laughters and tears of sadness and joy are shared,
where no lies, just a pure smile like innocent child's,
a hand willing to help, to give comfort and support,
with no expectations in returns,
only with hopes that everything gets better.