still alive.

Hello, long time no see!

Many things have happened but I'm not gonna update about anything.

One thing for sure is that..

True, you cannot depend on anyone.

That I only have Mom, Dad, and Bro.

nearly the end.

this is my last week of internship.

you can see at the left of my current wishlists and goals : a fruitful journey during internship.

yes, a very 'fruitful' one indeed.

I've learnt that :

1. Routine makes me sick.

2. I'm not good at dealing with details. definitely not a detail-oriented person. does that mean i am not suitable to become an engineer?

3. I love to think but I don't like thinking and analyzing technical stuffs. I'm more to that abstract thinker.

4. My patience limit has expanded. a lot, maybe.

5. Sometimes you have to fight for your own good sake, even to people who have somewhat called higher positions. If not, think again.. are you sure you wanna be their slaves?

6. I made some improvement in my defending skills.

7. Don't act like a boss even if you are one, act as a leader instead. Never let your people lose their respect towards you.

8. Always keep a good manner and attitude while eating with a group of people!!!

9. If you don't have passion within you, it's really... hard to enjoy what you're doing. 'Love what you do' is too good to be true.

10. I need something more than incentives, I think.. I need a reason... and passion.

11. I'm a slacker.

12. I'm more stubborn than I ever thought I was.

13. And surprisingly, I'm more patient than I ever thought I was.

14. Nothing beats university life as a normal university student.

15. You can't just depend on anyone at anytime.

16. I only have Mom, Dad, and Bro.

17. Mom and Dad are the ones who always stand by you. no matter what. they'll never leave you. they'll do as best as they could, even sometimes too much :)

And the list still goes on. I'd add if time and condition permits :p

You might be wondering why almost all the lists are the negative ones.. yes, seriously I cannot think about much of the good things at the moment. This semester is the 'BEST' semester ever. I thought last was epic enough but this time is even more. More tears are shed. Joys are more appreciated. More stories are shared. More people are involved. More feeling plays part, where love and hate becomes one. When you have thousand reasons to hate, but there is one very reason which hold you to stay.

Sorry, I didn't mean to..

I really meant the opposite way.

I know it was such an irony, but I couldn't just act like I.... just care.

I'm... sorry. I didn't mean to.

A Wish Upon A Star

I've never seen a rainbow...

...with my own eyes...

....and I hope when I do, it will be with someone special.

One Chance

One chance which is given to me

One chance which leads me to the decision that I decide to stay

If only another chance comes instead, I would have been given up

One chance which gives me pain and disappointment

One chance which shows me the truth and lies

If only another chance comes instead, my life would have been gone smoothly

One chance which I decided to take

I just hope it's all worth it

A Paradox

My b**s not in today! Woohoooooo I could feel my face smiling! :D

One paradox is that I'm more into doing the works I've assigned when the b**s is not around lol. I finished it in a more efficient way. Fast and quick! I know this is not really right.. I should have shown this so-called-'passion and spirit' when the b**s is around, so I can give good impression and hence... get a good grade, but I just can't lift up my spirit. Maybe because I had already been mentally tired and somehow there's still a pressure. Maybe because I like freedom. I already know no one's gonna scold me today and hence I do my work happily and surprisingly, more efficiently! :D

Another random (evil) thing...

It's so good having no exams at all for the semester, yeay! I just realized it from yesterday's Exam Rosary that I didn't feel as worried as previous semesters before we started the prayer. The fact is.. It is the Exam Rosary itself that helps to carry the burdens and worries away :) Well, I just miss it but somehow enjoy it. One exam-less semester in NTU is a priceless pleasure :) Hahaha... Forgive me being evil, my dear friends who are having exams, I didn't mean anything to hurt you. I just mean to satisfy my self! :P

Another random (evil-less) thing..

I'm glad that one of my colleague did help me explain things I didn't understand. Well, even though the answer was didn't really satisfy me, I was touched by his eagerness to help and didn't leave the questions unanswered! :)

That's all for now..

Oh yeah I got one random (hedonist) thought that's occurring to me..

I think since I bought the iPhone, my mood has been swinging in the good place. Never been better since the last few months! LOL. That's the power of money. They can buy you physical things and give you (guilty) pleasure as well. I'm not being materialistic, I'm just being realistic :P

iPhone, wait for me!!!

OMG, what am I thinking!

I decided to buy an iPhone in just 3 days time.

For my dear friends,

next time I meet you, don't be surprised if suddenly I say "I'm flying to Paris." haha just random, though.

April, Thanks for being.... quite nice.

It's always amazing to think that how fast time can fly if you look back.

Today is already the end of April!

Well, compare to March, I shall say you have done far better :) even though I still had to fall some times here and there..

At least, there are some memories that are worth to be remembered with a smile..

Drained.

See what I found from colorgenicstest.com

You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside') and then you'll be raring to go.

Of late, everything seems to be going so slowly - far slower than you anticipated - and this is causing you much anxiety and frustration. It would appear that there is little you can do about the series of events that now seem to be taking place. In spite of the fact that you feel like 'giving up' - don't. Take a deep breath and start over again and you will find that eventually the expression 'All's well that ends well' will have an extra special meaning for you.

Loneliness is soul destroying and at this time you feel lost and lonely, perhaps it is because you feel so frustrated that you are prepared to go out of your way to become emotionally involved with someone who could accept you for what you are. You are egocentric, antagonistic and quick to take offence, although it must be said, you can control your pent-up up emotion and thus avoid open conflict.

It would seem that an existing situation or relationship is unsatisfactory and you feel that there is little that you can do about it without 'some help from your friends', but you have no desire to show the world how vulnerable you really are and therefore you consider it inadvisable to display affection or be over demonstrative. You regard this particular relationship as a depressing tie and although you would like to be independent and unhampered, you don't want to run the risk of losing anything. All this leads you to react 'touchily' and with impatience, while the urge to 'get away from it all' results in considerable restlessness and stress. Your ability to concentrate may suffer.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.

Sadly, I have to admit most of the part is true. All my energy was drained, and just a little part of it left. A little pieces of me that is just enough to do the daily cycles. Wake up, go to work, go home, sleep. I couldn't stand any interference between those routines. You know what... up until this very moment, I still abandon my post event report. Yes, I'm a procrastinator, but at this moment, I have made some steps further, a quick 'improvement' that I had never done before. I run from my responsibilities. I know I have time and I know I can do it if I have enough motivation but apparently I'm not. I'm running away.

There are times when I feel like to be un-contactable, to run from people. Call me anti-social or anything as you like, I don't care.

I'm a Slacker, Indeed...

I guess this will be the first time I blog from office..

I have a thing to do, but a very little motivation to do it. I tend to slack around and open my facebook page, browse here and there, google here and there.. Maybe I should close my google chrome window to overcome with the distractions. Well, I have tried it once but it ended up with me playing Minesweeper and Solitaire. I even managed to finish the expert mode! A new accomplishment! lol.

I can't blame on anyone or anything with me being soooooo idle, lazy, and procrastinate. It's on my self. Me, is the problem. Either I just found out that I actually have an extremely laid-back personality or... I just found out that this job is not suitable for me. Well, I can't say it sure enough. I realize that I have not been so interested and excited to the works I've been doing. Maybe I'm not ready to accept the fact that this is..the real working field's gonna feel like. Maybe I'm too comfortable with me being an university student. Maybe I just simply don't have any ambitions. Or.. maybe it's simply because... this job is not meant for me.

I. DO. NOT. KNOW. WHAT. AND. WHERE. IS. MY. PROBLEM.

I can't work under pressure like the two engineers working in front of me. They never close the AutoCAD window. Sometimes I wonder how they can survive hours sitting in front of the computer. Maybe because they are always reminded of their family at home. To fulfill their needs they need money. To have money they have to work. To work, they have to be under all this pressure.