Where have they gone?

I've just realized today...
I've lost them...
Lost them since I barely could remember...
Where have they gone?

All my posts are now just filled with my academic life...
Exams, Quizes, GPA, etc...

Where have they gone?

Those beautiful words that once had been created...
Those wonderful phrases that once coloured in my journal...
Those are gone...

Will they be back?
Soon enough...?

Let the battle begins!

Hmm
berlebihan tidak kalau 2 post sekaligus berhubungan dengan exam?

wait..wait..
exam2 malah ngepost..

haha..
biarlah otakku istirahat sejenak..
lalu besok bisa bangun dengan pikiran yang segar..
dan bisa mengerjakan soal dengan maksimal..
bisa mendapat pencerahan untuk soal2 'dewa'..
bisa mendapat grade yang memuaskan nantinya..
yeah..
semangat!!

berikut adalah jadwal examku..total ada 6 dalam 4 hari :
Selasa 14/04/09 : Math 2 and Digital Lifestyle
Kamis 16/04/09 : Physics 1.. 4AU!! >> 'The Killer' for this semester.., but yet my favourite ;p
Selasa 21/04/09 : Material Science and Coping with Culture Transition
Kamis 23/04/09 : Life Science

The best is yet to come~

15 hours

15 hours before my first paper this semester, which is FE 1007..Mathematics II.. then followed by EE 8092 Digital Lifestyle.

God, please help me..
I've done and am still doing my best.. You'll do and are doing the rest..

The best is yet to come~

The Best is yet to come...

when u look at the title, u might wondering what's the good news. but in fact, i didn't bring any good news or that sth miraculous had happened. i was just...well,, failed my Life Science quiz. Not really failed actually, but... i got 8 out of 16. and.. that's not a good news isn't it? despite all the efforts i've put in. and how i was so certain with my answers when i clicked the "submit" button, then i found this writen on the computer screen : 8 out of 16. gosh, i only managed to answer HALF correctly!! and that is.. really bad. terrible.

i've been thinking about this since some time ago. when it seems that efforts aren't good enough. and then prayer doesn't seem to help you too. then i always ended up with one conclusion : the world isn't fair enough.

but now i'm thiking that....
there are ups and downs in your life times. when it seems that you've worked or prayed really hard, it's not that He doesn't love you or anything, but maybe to waken you up from your deepest sleep. to go away from your arrogance. to test you in a trial. a trial which makes us stronger and put more faith in Him..

*huah capek nulisnya, pake indo aja deh..huahauhau*

jadi begitulah teman-teman. gw selalu bertanya2 akhir2 ini. kenapa kok kayaknya usaha gw selalu ga seimbang dengan apa yg gw dapatkan? kenapa org lain bisa dapat lebih walaupun gw lebih bekerja keras dari dia? apakah emang pada dasarnya gw ini lebih goblok? ya mungkin. sepertinya memang bener begitu. ya justru karena itulah gw harus berusaha lebih dr mereka. memang hasil dan usaha itu kadang ga seimbang. gw sudah mengalami hal itu beberapa kali. tapi skrg gw ga mau lagi berkeluh kesah kenapa begini kenapa begitu lalalalala. apapun hasilnya itu. toh gw sudah berusaha. kalo msh jelek yah, cari di mana salahnya. next time diperbaiki. mungkin dengan dikasih hasil yg jelek di awal ini supaya gw cari tahu salah gw di mana, dan supaya di depannya bisa diperbaiki lagi. dan bener, kejadian hari ini telah menjadi cambuk buat gw untuk bersemangat lagi.

dan juga, kalo misalnya seandainya gw dapet bagus sekalipun, pasti gw cenderung jadi 'sombong', 'santai' dan sejenisnya. biarlah pelajaran ini menjadi cambuk. buat berusaha yg lebih lagi.

seperti kata papi, "tapi jgn gara2 ini jadi patah semangat. yang penting udah berusaha."

mgkn kalian ada yg mikir. apaan sih cuma quiz bilogi doang dipikirnya ampe segitunya. emang bener sih, biologi ga bakalan jadi pelajaran core gw nantinya. cuma gw mau menjadikan ini sebagai pelajaran dan cambuk. (duh uda berapa kali ya gw ngulang2 kata cambuk haha). dan gw masih punya target yg menuntut gw buat bagusin nilai di semester 2 ini. (amin...) jadi, perjuanganku belum berakhir!

ya ya.

It is not the end...
It is just the beginning...
The best is yet to come..

Week 10!

udah WEEK 10 sodara2...itu tandanya sebulan lagi exammmmmmmmmm... T-T

fiuh. minggu dpn quiz material science. blm terlalu ngerti. tapi hopefully bakal ngerti. yeah. and I've decided NOT to STUDY, but to LEARN.

jadi ceritanya..
kali ini begini..

sabtu lalu ada open house. n gw jd logistic. kerjanya cuma ngangkut2 goodie bag aja. dan hasilnya, wew bukan cuma $7/jam, dapet bonus juga : pegel2. walawe.. tapi gpp. seru kok seru. taon dpn gw mau ikut lagi. kmgknan pengen coba job scope yg laen. kepikiran jg sih pengen coba ambassador. tapi ga yakin mampu =.= yah, kita lihat saja nanti.

lalu minggunya. yeah. dicatet yah. untuk pertama kalinya gw ke gereja sendirian. gw memutusakan buat ke katedral di daerah city hall. kenapa? karena bis itu gw mau ke national library. jadi sekalian aja gereja di sana. dan berhubung, ga ada yang mau ke national library, jd ga ad yg mau ke katedral, jd yah sendiri deh. tapi somehow, pergi sendiri dan bareng temen itu beda. sama2 seru dan asik tapi beda..hehe. dan pas banged, di bras basah lagi ada book sale, akhirnya bworsing2 dulu deh. dan yeah, akhirnya malah ngeluarin $6 lagi. terus ke national library. wew..mgkn gw terdengar nerdy sekali, tapi tujuan gw ke sana ya emang buat belajar. haha. nyari textbook2 laen. baca2. fotokopi halaman yg penting. terus gw jg nongkrong agak lama di bagian civil engineering.. dan pengeeennnyaaa aku baca itu semuaaa... terutama yg tentang design, structure, terutama yg mengenai bridge. tapi apa daya. tahan dulu deh. nanti year 2 kayanya gw bakal sering2 lagi ke sana. hehe. skrg urusan msh sama si life science, maths 2 , material science, n physics 1.. dan untunglah pelajaran semester ini, gw jauhhhhhh lebih sukaaa daripada semester pertama. gw demen physics 1, tentang mechanics dan statics, dibanding physics 2 yg kemana2 listrik, kapasitor, infinetesimal bla bla bla... dan ternyata gw juga demen sama material science. dulu gw kira ini pelajaran bakal killer banget karena banyak yg bilang abstrak. n ternyata menarik juga loh. n untungnya, di civil entar jg balak disinggung2 soal ini. senangnyaaaaa..hehehe.. akhirnya aku tahu dan (lebih) yakin kalau ternyata ga salah jurusan.

at first i thought it was the best choice out of the worse choices outhere, but now i know it's just the right choice...thanks to You..

okay. sekarang saatnya pergi menemui si ductility, hardness, phase diagrams, dan teman-temannya... bubyeee..

pe er dr tephi

1. buatlah daftar 10 hal dan kebiasaan (buruk) yang tidak disukai, namun apabila merasa terdapat lebih dari 10 hal/kebiasaan buruk yang tidak disukai maka silahkan ditulis semuanya.
2. sebutkan juga alasan mengapa anda tidak menyukai hal-hal/kebiasaan-kebiasaan tersebut.
3. setelah selesai membuat daftar dan penjelasan seperti yang tertera pada poin 1 & 2, maka silahkan men-tag 10 blogger lainnya .


tujuan dari tag ini adalah:
by doing this we will see what kind of bad things and bad habits are the most mentioned by bloggers, and hopefully we will awake every blogger’s consciousness to be refreshed, and finally we will leave those habits behind us.
untuk mengetahui hal2 buruk dan kebiasaan2 buruk seperti apa yang paling banyak disebutkan oleh para blogger, dengan harapan (bersama-sama) kita dapat membangun kesadaran kita dan menanggalkan kebiasaan2 atau hal-hal buruk tersebut.



Let's see...kebiasaan/hal buruk dari seorang saya adalah...

1. pemalu. apalagi untuk memulai pembicaraan dgn org yg baru dikenal.

2. suka tidak fokus dalam mendengarkan kalau sedang ada yg serius dikerjakan/dipikirkan. susah mengalihkan pikiran.

3. ga bisa mikir di "saat yg tepat". di suatu waktu yg butuh banyak pertimbangan malah ga mikir panjang. tapi di saat masalah yg cuma sepele, malah kepikiran terus.
4. slacking di saat yg tidak tepat...n that's what i've been doing for the whole day! pdhal minggu dpn ada quiz =.=
5. semangat buat nyoba hal baru, tapi pas waktunya mau coba, malah mau mundur lagi. intinya sih, susah untuk keluar dr zona nyaman.
6. individualistis. (entah ini sbnrnya bagus atau jelek)
7. ansos. hahaha..maklum, saya ini melankolis dan introvert. jd kadang suka males ketemu org.
8. kurang kiasu. hahaha. serius ini. saya mengakui kok kalau saya kurang ambisius. =.=
9. lelet.
10. ga tahan dengan godaan internet....arggghhh

TAG KE:
SIAPA SAJA YG MAU BIKIN

relieved.

Jush finished taking a cold shower. Looks like the cold water that flowed had flushed away all my sickness. Heh, what a mood. changed so quick.

I didn't know what happened. I just suddenly felt sick of everything. I didn't log in to my msn, fb, edventure, and webmail. I just wanted to go away from anything related to this place, its people, and what's going on here. I was just too sick (and I still am) with all this life. I don't mean that I'm not grateful with all of these, but I just need a break. Yeah, maybe that's because antisocial part of me had just come out again from its hideouts. I just need time to calm down. I just need to be human, for once a while.

Still got 3 quizes for the rest of this week. 2 for tomorrow, and 1 for the day after tomorrow. Material science and Math are waiting for tomorrow. And yeah, I'm still blogging. It doesn't mean I haven't studied at all. I studied, in fact, A LOT. That's why I'm sick of it. And need a break. Wew, I just pray that I will do well in the tests and get good results, for what I have prepared all this time. I do my best, let Him do the rest... :)

Today I just make a decision, not to tak a single room for the next semester, and hopefully for the rest of my semesters here. I think it's clear why. Yeah. What would I become if I take single room? I will just lock in my room. Stuck with computer, internet, lecture notes. Oh come on, what a life. And in fact fortunately, I and my roomate get along very well, despite that thousands of differences between us. Happily, she's very open-minded. We can exchange our thoughts and broaden our perspectives.

Recess is coming in few days, but I'm not too excited.

Okay. gotta go and go back to my dearest friend, Convergence, Divergence, Atoms, Dislocations, Crystalline, Diffusions, etc..

See you.

sick of everything.

suddenly i feel sick of everything.
sick. yes. i'm sick.

i wish i can go out and breath some fresh air.
i wish i can sing along the road without no one thinks i'm crazy.
i wish i can jump and then fly to everywhere but this land, very far far away.

i think i just need a break.

I (don't) have a dream...

I've just taken a personality quiz which requires you to choose eight colours from the most harmony you feel with. I took it for several times, because I wasn't quite satisfied with the results (haha.cheating?) until I found one that I feel most likely as myself in personal. But, there are some sentences that kept appearing in my monitor. Yeah, they were always there.

Here is the result...

At this time in your life you feel like 'giving up'. For every time you have tried to build up your hopes and dreams something has come along to burst the balloon. You may feel that, at this particular moment in your life, there seems to be no chance of fulfilling these dreams but you are so wrong. You are the sort of person that can influence any situation, that is - If you don't give up. So consciously make the effort... You have that inherent power to succeed.

You are a fighter and always on the defensive. You always need to be sure that your position is safe and established. When you finally make a decision you will pursue it to the bitter end in spite of all opposition.

You are a demanding egocentric and therefore quick to take offence. This attitude makes people feel somewhat inadequate when in your company and so it is no wonder that at times you feel alone and unwanted.

You are feeling trapped by the situation as it stands at this time and what is more, you feel powerless to remedy it. You are stressful, angry and disgruntled. You feel that everything that you try to do to change the situation is thwarted and your hopes and aspirations all seem to be receding into the ever distant future. You have reached the state where you now doubt whether your dreams will ever be achieved and this is not only causing mental stress but heartache. You need to get away from it all - you need to have time to think, to recuperate, to be able to make your own decisions.

You need to be needed and would like a situation where you will no longer be subjected to pressures and demands from those about you. There is no harm in 'dreaming' but it is you - and only you - that can be able to realise those dreams and to turn them into reality.

The one I coloured in red appeared all the time. I wonder why. I know it is silly to believe in such an online personality test, but I am just wondering and thinking. Did I ever have that dreams? Yeah, I did have some dreams, and I think all of them now have gone far, far, very far away, buried in my 'giving-up-ness' (oh please forgive my vocabulary ;p). Like what it is stated in blue paragraph. Yes, I have given up those dreams. I know it is impossible to happen then why do I bother to keep those dreams? Since then, I have been hoping for a normal life in a simple home and loving (future) family.. hehe. Is it also counted as a dream? Yeah, of course, but I have lost all my passions and ambitions, like when I was younger. (oh hey, i'm only 19 years old now!) Is dreaming to live a simple life not that adequate?


This test result has succeded to make me to abandon that masteringphysics stuffs. Haha. I really like thinking and reflecting when I finish one of personality quiz. Is it really me? Sometimes when you think it is very inaccurate, you have to think the two possiblities. First is, it is really inaccurate (call it dumb or anything as u wish). Second is, it may be true, it's just part of you that you might have not realized yet, or you want to deny (maybe unconsciously) the truth about you.

Ok. I'll try to regain my passion and ambition, which is actually crucially needed here, where there are countless of kiasu people out there.

Fiuhh..

Current status : in the middle of self-discovering as well as regaining my ambition and passion.
oh yeah here is the link. if u want to try.

You are the sort of person that can influence any situation, that is - If you don't give up. So consciously make the effort... You have that inherent power to succeed.

$30 dan $10

$30 adalah gaji pertamaku. Iya, gaji pertamaa.. Horeee..^^ Jadi, kisahnya begini. Hari sabtu yang lalu adalah pengalaman saya dan roomie saya bekerja. Kerjanya bukan kerja yang keren sih. Toh cuma menyebarkan flyer doang. Tapiii... Wew, kesabaran benar-benar diuji. Kekuatan kaki kami untuk menopang badan yang tidak terlalu proporsional ini juga patut dipertimbangkan kehebatannya. Bayangkan, ia berhasil menopang kami selama 5 jam bertrut-turut!! Fiuhh.. Duduk itu memang indah. Jatah awal cuma dapet $25, tapi dikasih bonus $5 lagi.. Yayyy..^^

Bukan besarnya berapa yang didapat sih. Tapi, kami jadi belajar dan mengerti bahwa CARI DUIT ITU SUSAH!! Dahulunya, kami TAHU untuk menafkahi kehidupan ini susah. Tapi, belum mengerti, dirasakan, dan dihayati. Walaoo.. Jadi, setelah dapat gaji, gw malahan jadi tambah mau berhemat.. Haha..

Belum lagi. Walaupun di Orcet itu banyak orang yang berlalu-lalang, tapi hanya berapa yang mau menyisihkan 2 detik dari waktu hidupnya (hiperbolasekali) untuk mengambil flyer yang kami sodorkan?

Memang. Kami suka mencueki tak terhitung flyer distributor sebelumnya. Ya, sebelum kami tahu bagaimana rasanya menjadi mereka.

Memang. Manusia itu sulit mengerti penderitaan orang lain, sampai ia merasakannya sendiri.

Dan...
Memang. Cari duit itu susah!

Jadi, terima kasih untuk papiku. Yang liburnya cuma dari sabtu siang sampai minggu, tapi ga pernah mengeluh. Ga pernah deh kayaknya. Pulang-pulang kerja pasti udah capek. Tapi, masih bisa ketawa-ketawa. Hari minggu pasti masih pengen istirahat, tapi malah bela-belain buat jalan-jalan.. Hiks..

Suatu hari nanti, kita akan begitu juga..Masuk ke dunia kerja. Kalau sudah berkeluarga, tentunya tanggung jawab lebih besar lagi. Boro-boro mau shopping baju baru, tas baru, sepatu baru.. Anaknya udah minum susu belum??? Hehehehe...

Okelah. Segini aja cerita $30-nya.

Lanjut ke $10!

Jadi, dua malam yang lalu, gw pergi door-to-door dari hall ke hall buat minta sumbangan buat anak-anak di Pulau Nias. Bulan Juni nanti bakal ada yang ke sana (gw ga ikut), selama 10 hari, buat ngajarin Bahasa Inggris, dll. Sistem sumbangannya itu jadi setiap $10 yang terkumpul, bakal dibelikan 1 stationary kits buat anak-anak di sana. Memang kok kayaknya mahal banget yah harganya, apalagi kalau di-rupiah-in, tapi ga cuma stationery kits doang, masih ada tambahan lainnya. Yang pasti, semua sumbangannya itu bakal 100% dikasih.

Hari pertama, gw masih bodoohhhhh banget. Ngomong bener-bener seadanya. Karena gw juga sebenarnya masih belum jelas sama program ini. Baru lah pas ada senior yang menyontohkan, gw mulai belajar sedikit demi sedikit. Alhasil, semua omongan senior itu gw copy paste. Hahaha dan gw jadikan jurus sakti gw selama dua hari itu buat membujuk orang-orang. Rasanya seneng banget kalau ada yang ngasih $10. Yah, walaupun cuma $2 juga gw udah seneng.

Jujur aja sih, kalau misalnya gw didatengin, lalu diminta $10, gw pasti perlu mikir duluuu. Ga bisa langsung OK. Jadi, gw kemarin juga ga berani maksa orang buat ngasih $10. Ada juga yang ga ngasih sama sekali, tapi mereka menolaknya dengan halus, sih.. Sedikit kecewa juga, tapi yaudalah, mungkin emang lagi ga ada duit atau hal yang lainnya, jadi maklumi saja..

Di hari yang kedua, gw ngerasa lebih enjoy dan udah dapet feel-nya.. Lain halnya pas pertama kali, gw masih canggung bangettt. Mengingat gw ga punya pengalaman yang menghasruskan gw menjadi persuasif, hari pertama kerasa banget capeknyaaa, walaupun jam 10.30 pm udah selesai. Di hari kedua, yang selesainya jam 11.30, gw malah ga ngerasa begitu capek.. Jadi bener kata orang, apapun yang dilakukan dengan senang hati, pasti akhirnya bakal seneng juga..^^

Fiuhhh..

Minggu depan udah week 7. Sumpah, ga kerasa banget. Apalagi, kalau diingat-ingat tepat setahun yang lalu, gw pasti lagi berkutat di depan buku A level buat nyiapin tes NTU. Eh skrg udah di sini, waktu memang berjalan cepat..

Keajaiban-keajaiban juga datang silih berganti..

Hooammm..

Life goes on..