Huff. I'm afraid of Failing

I'm serious. I haven't been doing well in my quiz. There is 90% of one of them that I'll fail. One of them I only managed to get 58 out of 100. I'm not exaggerating this case. I'm serious. And I hate sharing it to people because they just say "you can do it." The truth is I can't do as well as you think. I'm not that genius brainy girl, you know?

Just today I have a quiz and I'm only certain I can only get 48 out of 100. I'm really scared of failing.

Today's Reflection

God has a perfect plan. We can be like the Sadducees and close our minds to his revelation, or we can try to be like little children, eager to learn from our heavenly Father. He won’t lead us astray. If he moves our lives or the church in a direction we don’t fully understand, we can try to listen to him humbly, do our best to follow his lead, and trust that he will never let his people down.

God wants us to be ready to step out of our comfort zones when the situation calls for it. For the Sadducees, this meant accepting the possibility that God will raise the dead. For us, it may mean accepting a new priest in our parish, welcoming an unexpected pregnancy, or striking out in a new direction in our career. The possibilities are endless. The only thing constant is that God will be with us, no matter what, to guide us and teach us.

“Father, I surrender to your wisdom and your plan. Help me stay open-minded and soft-hearted.”

wau.org

Missing Home.

Oh, I hate it for being so melancholy and sensitive.

I have quizzes, club stuffs, e-learnings to do but... I just can't resist the feeling to miss home.

In last post I say that this is my second home, but now I'm not sure if there is any second or third.

My home is one and only. The place I'll return to someday.

-Home is where the heart is.

(temporary) Insomnia

-Okay, so I can't sleep now. Maybe I'm too excited for tomorrow?

-Okay, since I won't be able to get enough sleep of 5 hours. I might want to donate badly but I know my humane limit, so I think I just postpone my blood donation until...next time. If I want to wait for the school, I might need one year since I'll be having IA next sem. So, I think I'll try going to blood bank myself then?

-Recently I've been having a very normal hours of sleep. I've been sleeping around 11-12pm and wake up around 630am...(and sleep again after waking up for 1 hour haha) It's very different when you wake up in the morning and breath the morning air. It's like you've been reborn. I like it. I want to maintain it as possible as I can because I feel healthier both physically and mentally.

-I guess tonight is the time for me to enjoy the silence of night. I dunno why but night seemsalways be the perfect timing to blog. I never feel the urge to write in the morning. I never want to even turn on my computer. It's more like of a reflective time, and a prayer.

-October almost ends. I can say this is the most eventful month of the year, so far. I learnt a lot. A lot of wonderful blessings, tears of joy and sadness, obstacles, disasters, yet full of beauty of lives.

-I think now I can declare NTU as my second home. Haha..so it needs two years to say this. I try to learn to love everything I have here. Okay, it might not be easy. I know I still complain in some things and how I wish some things are different, but if I wish any better it would be a little bit too good to be true. So, just enjoy my time as long as I can.

-Just now I realized that I miss my FE 1001 lesson so much. I'm not sure why. The lecturer is 'charming' in his own way, yes. but that's not really the point. I just miss the mechanics. Maybe I'm just sick with statics because I'm not having a good time with them. Somehow I think mechanics is more challenging, maybe that's why I find it more interesting. I'm not saying I don't like my course or not feeling suitable in it, but I just feel something is missing, which is passion. I thought when I start my life as a university student I don't need to have any problems of finding what I want to do in life. but in fact, it is the starting point of everything. You start questioning things and thinking hard what to do in life. You know you can do more than just pursuing a career. Now, I'm not really sure if Civil Engineer is the one I want to pursue. I'm not sure my passion is there. Or maybe I just haven't realized it. Maybe I haven't found the one which can trigger it. Or maybe I'm meant to do anything else, which is still blurry at the moment. I just don't feel like good to pursue any academic-related thing. I'm not even sure if I want to continue my study to master degree. (a big no for PhD, research is not my thing. sorry) even if I want to, I would try as best as I can to avoid engineering field (what am I thinking?????) okay, I might change my mind in the future, but that's what I feel at the moment. I just need to find where my passion is.

-I ever thought of teaching, but since I haven't been really into the real field or experience the real thing of teaching I can't say further more. I might consider this option but..who knows? I just feel like it's good to be surrounded by children, compare to the real working field where competitions are everywhere, trying to get promotions as soon as possible, etc etc, I don't really think it's my thing. And if surrounded by children, you won't hesitate to act like one, right? :D you can feel young again and recalling the innocent memories :) It sounds like an ideal career for me (at the moment).

-IA or IO? I'm not sure. I can't be that decisive. I'm thinking to switch to IO due to some....things. It's still in consideration, anyway. Let's wait for the news from my 1st choice interviewing company and see how things going. I wonder what's taking them so long?? I'm not really optimistic they'd call me for interview, but at least give me some news!

-I want to sleep but I'm not sleepy.

Coming Home. again.

I know this is crazy. I just came back here last Sunday and tonight I'm flying. Why? Just like my pm said in msn some days ago. Some people do sacrifice in the name of love. Well, I can't say it's a full sacrifice, because I also wanna get away from these things for a while. Last time was not long enough haha.

And another crazy idea is. I have to donate blood before I'm flying. I hope everything goes well and smoothly. I just don't wanna miss this chance. again. Last time I couldn't donate because I was sick. And this time, I'm here with healthy body and soul with enough rest, I must not miss this chance again!!!

Take a Break.

I just want to take a break. I need some sleep RIGHT NOW.

Oh why people sometimes take others only for granted?? *me also i admit it*

Sometimes I wanna help but I just can't stand being taken for granted. Sorry!

How to take a complete break? A deep breath?

I know the answer! Run away, Get yourself disappeared and undiscovered for some time. It works!

Quite Random..

-You know why I never change the layout for this blog for 2 years already? because I can use ANY COLOURS that I want, and they still fit in and look nice! But now, seems it's not working anymore. I dunno why, they just turn out to be yellow!

-Please don't playing games with my heart.

-What do I wanna do?

A Blessed Recess Week...

Yes, there will be a Reinforcement Concrete Design quiz on tuesday...

Yes, there will be a Structure quiz on thursday...

Yes, I only have done 3 out of 7 tutorials of RC Design...

Yes, I haven't started studying Structure, even reviewing...

Yes, I'm still a 10000000000000 steps behind of catching up my studies...

But...

Yes, I'm home...

Yes, I'm with my family, secure and safe with loads of love...

Yes, I'm here with them to go through with these difficulties...

Yes, I'm grateful I'm given a chance to experience the miracles and love...

Yes, I never thought that this recess week would be a wonderful one, full of life changing events for some others, full of life lessons, full of love and care... This is a blessing I should be thankful for..

These past few weeks, I have been taught not to rely on my own strength, to be flexible and decisive with every sudden decisions, not to be too stressful, to go through every obstacles, to believe that you can do it, and to just surrender everything to Him...

I am thankful for the opportunity to come home,

to witness the true love and care of a family,

where everybody supports each other,

no matter what happened in the past,

no matter what conflicts might have occurred,

one thing for sure is that we are one,

one family, where one never let anyone being left behind,

where laughters and tears of sadness and joy are shared,

where no lies, just a pure smile like innocent child's,

a hand willing to help, to give comfort and support,

with no expectations in returns,

only with hopes that everything gets better.

It's almost 2am in the morning

and i'm still on :)

in this little room...i want to add the word "sweet" but it just doesn't feel right. because it's still messy! yeah i still have one bag to be unpacked and i don't "have time" to do that. well, just call me lazy, that would be much simpler.

fyi, i got a single room! should it be a "yay" or not? no roomie... no one to talk to.. but since i'm an introvert, it's not really a big problem. yeah, i really like my room :)

-----

sometimes u may not know what's or who's waiting for u, but as long as u have the faith to carry on, u should be okay doing things u do.

I...

- am thankful that I was given a chance to learn that I need to have faith in myself, even though we're talking about surrendering. It doesn't mean you don't do anything and just wait anything to happen, you have to put faith in yourself first.

- hate when people bothering my business which is actually not really an issue for myself. Why do you have to bother yourself about me? because I just feel comfortable about what I'm doing.

- am becoming more and more happy with myself. It's not because of success or achievements. It's because of the heart is peaceful in the very first place.

- know I don't belong there, I didn't enjoy it. It's okay, at least I'm not pretending being somebody I'm not.

- don't care if people calling me an anti-social because we have a different perspective about its definition. In my own definition, I'm not one, so I just don't care.

How I'm Surviving

long time no see!

I'm still alive. Yeah!

So much things happened since the last time I wrote.

-I embarrassed myself in front of public.

-I realized some things were not meant for me.

-I know that miracle does exist.

-I don't know how to describe my feelings towards good things which happened unexpectedly. Some were too good to be true. That's why I call them miracles.

-I'm still questioning about what I wanna do in life. Every time I see my lecture notes and tutorials, I'm not sure if that's exactly what I wanna do. I do have some thing in mind but I still need a little bit faith.

-I'm more becoming melancholic and phlegmatic. And I feel comfortable with it.

-I learn more and more about surrendering.

I don't hope for any good news coming tonight. I just hope that it is the best for all.

I really mean every word I wrote here.

A Love Letter

Dear My Sweetheart,

I might never say those three words, but I want you to know that I can't resist to admit that I can't live without you. I am not exaggerating. I'm telling you the truth that I might not be who I am today without you.

It is within you that I find love. I learn from the love you give, from the happiness you shared. Tears I see in your eyes, I can feel the pain, so do you. When I need a loyal companion, you're always available. Not only when I need you, but you're just always there.

No one can replace you, I know. In this whole world, how many people can be trusted? At least, one, because you're just already there. And I'm very proud to introduce you to the world as my true one(s).

I don't need a shooting star for a dream comes true. I already have one.

Thank you for the love, warmth, and care. When we're always be together, we're home.

Love,

Friends? or "Friends"?

Hey, I do not know what had happened or what I had done wrong, at least I don't realize I had done one.

I greeted you, and you greeted back.

I asked how you were, you said you were fine.

And that's it?

Oh, come on, I know at least you could put a little bit effort to say Hi, but you didn't.

I do not what you are to me. And I do not want to think what I am to you.

Are we even friends??

I guess, not really a "friend"...

I just hate when people only look for somebody for a companion because the rest of their REAL friends are not available. Could you depend on yourself instead?

Then why should I bother to act nice and show care?

An Honest Lie

I warn you that it is cold

I scream "don't touch"

I'd better left it untouched

because I can't tell

which will do warm or hurt

And that's all just a lie

when I say that it is cold

I'm just afraid that

I can't stand when it breaks

Things I'll Be Missing

1. Watching Avatar Series with my brother.

I don't have to rush all the way to finish because I just can watch the rest of episodes in Singapore, but the feeling and atmosphere would be different if my brother was not around. So, I'm rushing.

2. DaAi TV esp. A Tao series.

I can't find any better local channel *i can't say "no offense" because it's just true* This series has inspired me in some ways. I hope I can watch it online too. I also like when their master giving a talk in the morning.

3. Badminton. with my brother, of course.

This is my favourite sport. I like the way when I have to run here and there then do a hard smash! When we tried to hold the racket left handed, it was quite funny and entertaining XD

4. Also my Hollahoop, Bicycle and.... Para-Para (at timezone)

5. Shopping with my Mom.

Guilty and Pleasure both at the same time. 'Planning" with Friendship card thingy to win prize for 33 first customers.

6. Fun Time with my dad and brother.

Watching movies at cinema together. Trying new cuisine in town. Or just laughing at silly things.

7. Silly jokes with my brother.

Maybe only the two of us in the world would find such thing funny.

8. Having fun with old folks. Not that "old", I mean.

Honestly, I was not satisfied enough with the crazy karaoke. I need more! XD next time definitely!

9. Love

24 Hrs. A Lifetime Guaranteed.

About Expecting A Thank You

A quote from DaAi TV Guest Room today :

*more or less it goes like this...

"When you give/help someone, do not expect a "thank you" because you'd feel more comfortable that way. Never put too much expectation on others."

from "A Tao" series.

My Home. My Shelter.

Just a few days left, then there will be no time slacking around. There will be no nothing to be worried anymore. Things which I had left behind would be coming back. They need to be taken care of, to be decided, to be got rid of.

No more shelter from rain or snow. Storms that are coming I can't avoid. I need to face it, ready or not.

If I were dreaming during these past 3 months, I guess now it's time for me to wake up. To wake up from the warm love of family. To wake from a dream where friendship is just too innocent. To be welcomed by reality, once again.

Some of my colleagues (why I can't type the word "friends"?) are coming back in earlier days than I am. Facebook statuses are updated, reminding me that soon it's time for me. It's sick. They're sick. I'm... sick.

One-month accommodation is settled, contract-and-deposit-thingy is done, so I don't have to worry as much as I was last year. Somehow, I wondered how I could survive that time? But, one year-accommodation is not settled. Should I blame my luck here?? No, I guess. I just need to wait and see because the best is yet to come. So positive, huh? Well, we should be :)

For thee I love, no one shall replace

For the love I give thee, thou shall embrace

For thy love, I shall find grace

Gravity *well i know this is sooo RANDOM (and sooo outdated)*

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button (ONLY ONCE!!!) to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS - even if it is incredibly embarrassing.
4. Tag 15 friends who might enjoy doing the same as well as the person you got the note from.

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY...

take a bow

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

over the rainbow

3) WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GIRL/GUY

last day on earth

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

dance with my father again

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PURPOSE?

when she loved me

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

defying gravity

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

something there

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

change of heart

9) WHAT IS 2+2?

cinderella

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

terrified

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

miracle of the moment

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

over it

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

stranger

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

sarang haeyo

15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

love song

16) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

fairytale

17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

at the beginning

18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

city

19) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

as i kneel before you

20) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?

king of anything

21) HOW WILL YOU DIE?

fairytale

22) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?

i will go sailing no more

23) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

gomapseumnida

24) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?

be prepared

25) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?

if i never knew you

26) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?

vanila twilight

27) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?

gift of a friend

28) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

you've got a friend in me

29) WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?

everytime we touch

30) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

gravity

Fairytale - Sara Bareilles

Cinderella's on her bedroom floor
She's got a
Crush on the guy at the liquor store
Cause Mr. Charming don't come home anymore
And she forgets why she came here
Sleeping Beauty's in a foul mood
For shame she says
None for you dear prince, i'm tired today
I'd rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming

Cause i don't care for you fairytales
You're so worried bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting on the next best thing

Snow White is doing dishes again cause
What else can you do
With seven itty-bitty men?
Sends them to bed and calls up a friend
Says will you meet me at midnight?
The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says
Would have cut it myself if i knew men could climb hair
I'll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows

Cause i don't care for you fairytales
You're so worried bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting on the next best thing

Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom
Man made up a story said that i should believe him
Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight
But i don't want the next best thing
So i sing and hold my head down and i break these walls round me
Can't take no more of your fairytale love

Cause i don't care for you fairytales
You're so worried bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting on the next best thing
I don't care
I don't care
Worry bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting spent the whole life being graded on the sanctity of patience and a dumb
Appreciation
But the story needs some mending and a better happy ending
Cause i don't want the next best thing
No no i don't want the next best thing

Sinonim dan Imbuhan

SINONIM

Benar = Betul

Betul?

Benar!

IMBUHAN "Ke-...-an"

Ke-betul-an = Ke-benar-an?

Tidak!

"Wah, kok kamu juga mau ke sana? Kebenaran sekali."

"Saya tidak akan menyerah! Saya akan berjuang sampai kebetulan itu terbukti!"

*Iseng-iseng saja*

The day when I met you

The day when I met you

did it happen on purpose

Why did it have to be that way

that I was not able to make decision

and it led me to you

Do you know how I couldn't stop smiling

the moment when I saw you from afar

The day when I met you

did it happen on purpose

How could you and I

meet at that one junction

when there were many paths to be taken

Why did we take the same road

and walked in the same direction

while there were many ways in front

The day when I met you

did it happen on purpose

I still remember when you there

were smiling and running to me

and I stopped to smile back

took some steps together side by side

Juicy Couture

Well, I'm not a branded-minded person, but I DO "turn on" looking at this stuffs XD

Cute and pretty, huh?

Perubahan dalam Sebuah Rutinitas

Jam weker berbunyi tepat pukul 5.30 pagi. Tanda harus bangun bersiap-siap menuntut ilmu di sekolah. Namun, pagi itu hujan mengguyur bumi terlalu deras. Selokan dan kali pun tidak sanggup lagi menampung air. Air berwarna kecoklatan itu menggenangi jalanan depan rumah. Banjir! Orang-orang sibuk berlalu lalang menyelamatkan mobil ke dataran yang lebih tinggi. Pintu depan rumah dipasangi tanggul. Lobang kamar mandi ditutup. Wuah, repot sekali! Tetapi, untunglah di sela-sela kerepotan itu ada berita bagus : Sekolah libur, Yay!

Itu adalah salah satu gambaran di mana satu atau dua kali dalam setahun yang terjadi ketika saya masih tinggal di rumah lama. Bukan pengalaman bagaimana mengungsi naik truk yang ingin saya ceritakan. Melainkan mengenai sebuah Perubahan dalam Sebuah Rutinitas.

Entah kenapa selalu ada suatu perasaan senang ketika banjir menghampiri. Bukan sekedar karena sekolah jadi libur, tetapi karena ada suatu perubahan atau gejolak yang menghiasi hari-hari yang monoton. Hari-hari menjadi tidak biasa. Ada sebuah pengalaman baru yang bisa dikenang nantinya.

What do I wanna DO?

I do not know.

What exactly should I do?

I think I can't stand the routines.

I don't want to be locked up in a cage.

I don't want to stay static.

What do I want to do?

I want to fly to the blue sky up high.

I want to be free.

I want to create.

I want to explore.

I want to find treasures, and to share it.

but that way, I'm not sure if I can survive.

yet, I'm not sure if there exists someone who understands.

I always like the feeling when it's raining

tapi bukan gara-gara jadi batal pergi....>,<>

I know some people hate rains.

Cucian yang tidak pernah kering.

Jalanan yang becek, tanah lembek dan berlumpur.

Jalanan lebih macet dari biasanya.

Dan lain-lain.

I know some people love rains.

Suara rintik-rintiknya.

Bau tanah yang basah.

Suasana melankolis dan enak buat refleksi.

Dan lain-lain.

Mungkin emang dasar saya orang melankolis. Menulis blog pun hari ini jadi produktif gara-gara seharian hujan. Tidur-tiduran sepanjang hari juga ga masalah. Kalau seandainya tiap hari hujan, mungkin saya tidak akan merengek-rengek mau pergi dan sibuk setiap hari mencari-cari film yang baru di bioskop.

Tapi hujan tiap hari ya juga ga bagus.

Nelayan susah menangkap ikan.

Penerbangan jadi repot.

Keseringan hujan entar malah banjir.

Jadi inget ada kutipan di film serial Daai TV "Namaku A Tao", yang intinya : kalau kita menang judi/taruhan, artinya banyak orang yang sudah dirugikan. Walau kita senang, belum tentu orang lain juga bahagia.

But...also remember, "We can't always make everyone happy".

Random

Baru-baru ini saya baru tahu, kalau ternyata banyak orang yang suka berimajinasi, berfantasi, menciptakan dunia sendiri, cerita sendiri di dalam pikirannya. Ternyata, saya tidak aneh. Hehe, Mungkin memang karena otak kita strukturnya sama, jadi hal-hal seperti itu terjadi pada manusia normal umumnya.

Tapi, bingung juga ya kalo dipikir-pikir. Kalau manusia sama-sama memiliki kecenderungan untuk seperti itu, masih saja setiap manusia itu unik. Walau kecenderungannya sama, tetapi detilnya beda. Mungkin sama-sama berimajinasi, tetapi imajinasinya berbeda.

Pernah tidak terpikir seperti ini. Walau penyakit manusia aneh-aneh bentuk dan macamnya, tetapi orang-orang itu ga pernah sendirian, pasti ada yang bernasib sama. Padahal orang bilang, setiap manusia itu unik, tetapi mungkin ada kembaran kita di belahan dunia sana.

Tau kan 16 Jenis Personality nya Myers-Briggs? Sebanyak-banyaknya orang di dunia, pasti masuk salah 1 di antara 16 macamnya. Golongan darah, kalo ga A, B, AB, ya O.

Seaneh-anehnya dan seunik-uniknya pikiran kita, pasti pernah kan merasa,

"Ihhh....Kok sama sih?"

"Iya gw juga mikir gitu."

"Kok pikiran kita sama sih?"

Mungkin bakal ribet ya kalo Jumlah Tipe Manusia = Jumlah Manusia di Dunia Ini. Bisa-bisa rusuh. Makanya, diciptain persamaan di dalam perbedaan, biar nyambung. Perbedaan di dalam persamaan, biar saling mengisi.

Anyway,

Ada ga sih yang pernah mikir seperti ini? Atau memang cuma saya saja yang aneh. Hahaha...

I don't want to be that kind of person

There are things which if we put just a little bit more effort becomes possible, but there are things that are just beyond our control even if we already put our best possible effort.

We say,"I don't want to be that kind of person", but sometimes we do things we don't want to be at the first place.

Is it because of some limitations?

Or is it a karma? because we are too arrogant being ourself, saying it out loud that we don't want to be like that, but in the end, we become that kind of person.

Can someone change himself because of "I don't want to be that kind of person"?

If a human says, "I don't want to be greedy". Can s/he really do that?

"I don't want to be a promise breaker."

"I don't want to be selfish."

Wew, don't I ask too much to myself?

Gomapseumnida

My melancholic side is dominating at the moment. It's definitely because of a Korean series I just watched, Thank You (Gomapseumnida).

I only put one song in my playlist and set the Repeat : On.

Here is the translation of the soundtrack..

You’re a fool

I truly thank you

You’re true to me and

Gave me everything

You’re an angel

You must be tired and find it hard

To everlastingly believe in someone

Who is a nobody

Strange, it’s like you’re devoid of tears

You smile for me in illness

When I’m next to you

I cry tears of happiness

Words are stuck in my throat

I truly love you

My love for you, which I cannot express

I can finally tell you

I go on because of you

Strange, it’s like you’re devoid of tears

You smile for me in illness

When I’m next to you

I’m feeling very happy

Your smile

Shines on me

A long time from now, when the world ends

Remember, Do not forget

I’m always with you

I cry tears of happiness

Words are stuck in my throat

I truly love you

My love for you, which I cannot express

I can finally tell you

I go on because of you

I remember one scene when the female main character, Young Shin, was offering help to an old woman.

"Grandma, do you need help?"

Grandma nodded.

"Gomapseumnida," said Young Shin.

Why do you think she gave thanks to the old grandma????? Wouldn't it make much more sense if the old woman who thanked her instead???

She thanked her for letting her giving a hand, for accepting, instead of rejecting.

Another scene when Young Shin and Bom's Father, who left them when Young Shin was pregnant.

"Thank you for giving me Bom. She's like an angel. How could I be mad at you when you gave me such an angel..."

Imagine if you were Bom's Mother, have you ever thought that way??? Feeling thankful instead of revengeful to Bom's Father???

The world would be much more beautiful if we can see towards things that way.

Give thanks instead of compalining all the time.

But doing so is never as easy as saying it.

Freaky Friday

today is a lil bit freaky. ask me why?

hr ini ke mall. biasala, nonton mengisi waktu liburan yang tersisa dengan adik tercinta.

makan siang seperti biasa, di Pizza Hut! cuma yang ga biasa itu adalah...paket pesananya.. kalo org normal yang makan berdua, ya pesennya yang paket buat dua org dong. nah kita malah pesen paket yang buat empat org. setelah diitung2, ternyata jatohnya lebih untung. cuma ga pake mikir tuh, kalo perutnya ga segede gentung. matilaa. gila. ga usah dijelasin dengan detail deh. kesimpulannya sih, kita ga bakalan pesen makanan yang berlebihan dr gedenya perut lagi. EVER! gw sih skrg ga heran kalo ada org yg bisa mati gara2 kekenyangan. skrg aja ngebayangin pizza, rasanya ... iugh... no, thanks.. ga mau lagi deh, makan sampe kenyang. cukup porsi orang normal aj. gila. alhasil, malem2 sakit perut!!!! =.=

hal gila kedua adalah.. INCEPTION! gila. gila. gila. ini film keren abis. kreatif! mereka bener2 menggunakan anugerah Tuhan yang bernama Imajinasi dengan semaksimal mungkin. gw bener2 speechless. gila. gila. salut bgt sama org di balik film ini. ga bs ngomong apa2 lg deh. pokoknya ini film keren bgt. kalo jari gw ini jempol semua, duapuluh-duapuluhnya bakal gw angkat tinggi-tinggi. tanpa ada maksud lebay, tapi br kali ini gw memuji sebuah film setulus ini.

sisa harinya, sih ya.. biasa2 aja sih..

cuma ad bbrp gangguan.. ya bisa dibilang 'mengecewakan'

tapi ya anggep aja memang ada alasan lain yang ga bisa diketahui org2.. tambah bingung kan?

sepi

sepi sekali.

mungkinkah ada seseorang yang bersedia mendengar apapun curahan saya, apapun pemikiran aneh dan tak logis saya, apapun pergumulan dalam batin saya, dan apapun yang ingin saya keluarkan?

menulis mungkin adalah jawaban yang tepat. namun, ia tidak memberikan sebuah direct feedback (atau feedback langsung atau apapun deh istilahnya yang saya sudah lupa. padahal dulu pernah disinggung-singgung di HP804). tidak ada tanggapan atau pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang mengusik hati dan pikiran, yang mungkin bisa mengembalikan kita ke jalan yang benar atau menjatuhkan kita ke dalam jurang.

hidup akhir-akhir ini semakin penuh tanda tanya. padahal tidak ada yang sebegitu menghebohkan yang terjadi akhir-akhir ini. semuanya datar. tanpa celah. tanpa bebatuan.

keinginan pun bertambah menjadi-jadi sejadi-jadinya. akan tetapi, benarkah semua keinginan itu benar-benar diperlukan?

I may know what I want, but You know better what I need.

Education?

*after browsing some old files*

One year ago...

"Should I join this club? I heard a lot of activities are involved. I'm afraid my GPA would be affected..."

"I don't need part-time work. My bank account is enough for my monthly expenses. I should focus on study.."

"I need to study hard. I'm fighting for straight A+s!"

Those sentences are really, academic-oriented. Well, I might be one of those people. I admit that I am one of the acedemic oriented person. I fight for GPA, but the difference is I don't only fight for it. I'm looking for the knowledge deep inside, which is maybe sometimes forgotten. All we do maybe just memorize all the formula without knowing what the hell that one formula can do. We speculate the questions which have high probability to appear in the exam paper. And, after exam, we forget them all. We wait for our GPA to be released. The result is then released, no matter the result is, but one thing for sure, we don't even know what we have learnt through all semester. We go on to the next level, leaving those behind. As time goes by, things come, things go, but GPA remains. Is this what we call education?

WOAHHH.

Can you believe it? I WROTE THAT ONE YEAR AGO!

One year later..

All I do maybe just memorize all the formula without knowing what the hell that one formula can do. I speculate the questions which have high probability to appear in the exam paper. And, after exam, I forget them all. I wait for my GPA to be released. The result is then released, no matter the result is, but one thing for sure, I don't even know what I have learnt through all semester. I go on to the next level, leaving those behind. As time goes by, things come, things go, but GPA remains. Is this what I call education?

The -trying-to-be-wise-words-but-apparently-not has succeeded to slap its own creator in her very own face.

I know how to be a good Pharisee.

I know exactly how to be a good hypocrite.

But..

It was written one year ago! People changed! Now, I know how to defend myself with some good cliché excuses.

I will try better NEXT SEMESTER! *another 'good' quote*